Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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