Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
