im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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