you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
