Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
