So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i now understand why vodka
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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