I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
