In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
