I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize