can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
