I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
