She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this will be a night to untag.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
