She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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