omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
