in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
