when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize