It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I forget how to act sober
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