Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
