how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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