If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
