I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
