You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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