omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
