Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
