there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
