i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
