You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
