Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
