if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
