Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
These tits shall not be calmed
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