Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
