Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize