So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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