I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
