Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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