I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
