so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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