first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
