I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
