So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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