After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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