You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
