ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
