i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
