Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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