thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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