My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
