When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up under a house in Key West
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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