whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
