i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
