You just made me feel so damn special
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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