Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Houston, we have a blender
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
