He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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