i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
