In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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