I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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