Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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