Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
