She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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