Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
