i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
