Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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