Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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