She said her name was "party"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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