Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
