I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
