she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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