halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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