Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize