I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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