Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
