Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
