She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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