hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
