I'm so fucking centered right now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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