Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
