why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
