My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
