Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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