Where is the hickey?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
