Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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