Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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