every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
