You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
