He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
