Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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