What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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