i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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