I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize