i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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