Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
